A little levity

[Gene Spafford <spaf@cerias.purdue.edu>]

Here are some other versions of the letter we can consider sending:

1) Appeal to member country dialect
2) Appeal to their inner children
3) Appeal to their inner stooge
4) Appeal to their sense of irony

--spaf
Loose in the software toolbox again

========================= 1 ==============================
Es leedeeng secooreety precteeshuners, idooceturs, fendurs, und users
ooff inffurmeshun secooreety, ve-a veesh tu regeester oooor
oopeeniuns ebuoot zee Cuoonceel ooff Ioorupe-a drefft treety oon
Creeme-a in Cyberspece-a.  Ve-a ere-a cuncerned thet purshuns ooff
zee prupused treety mey resoolt in creeminelizing techneeqooes und
sufftvere-a cummunly used tu meke-a cumpooter systems reseestunt tu
etteck.  Seegnetury stetes pesseeng legeesleshun tu implement zee
treety mey thoos indunger zee secooreety ooff zeeur cumpooter
systems,  cumpooter users in thuse-a cuoontreees mey nut be-a eble-a
tu edeqooetely prutect zeeur cumpooter systems, und idooceshun ooff
inffurmeshun prutecshun speceeelists mey be-a heendered.

Creeticel tu zee prutecshun ooff cumpooter systems und
inffrestrooctoore-a is zee ebeelity tu test sufftvere-a fur
veeknesses, fereeffy zee presence-a ooff deffects in ixeesting
systems, und ixchunge-a foolnerebeelity inffurmeshun. System
edmeenistreturs, reseerchers, cunsooltunts und cumpuneees ell
ruooteenely defelup, use-a, und shere-a sufftvere-a deseegned tu
ixerceese-a knoon und soospected foolnerebeelities.  Ecedemeec
insteetooshuns use-a sufftvere-a deseegned tu prube-a
foolnerebeelities tu idoocete-a stoodents und in reseerch tu defelup
imprufed deffenses.   Oooor ixpereeence-a veet zeese-a tuuls sooggest
thet it is impusseeble-a tu releeebly deestingooish sufftvere-a used
in cumpooter creeme-a frum thet used fur zeese-a legeetimete-a
poorpuses -- und thet oofftee it is identeecel.
Bork Bork Bork!

Coorrently, erteecle-a 6 ooff zee drefft treety is fegooe-a
regerdeeng zee use-a, deestribooshun, und pussesseeun ooff
sufftvere-a thet cuoold be-a used tu feeulete-a zee secooreety ooff
cumpooter systems. Ve-a egree-a thet demegeeng oor breekeeng intu
cumpooter systems is vrung und ve-a  uneqooeefucelly sooppurt levs
egeeenst sooch inepprupreeete-a behefeeur.  Hooefer, legeesleshun
thet creeminelizes secooreety  sufftvere-a defelupment und use-a
vuoold edfersely impect secooreety precteeshuners, reseerchers, und
idooceturs vurkeeng tu prefent cumpooter meesoose-a.   Zee guel ooff
zee treety und resoolteeng legeesleshun shuoold be-a tu permeet zee
defelupment und eppleeceshun ooff guud secooreety meesoores, und a
pruheebishun egeeenst defelupment oor curcooleshun ooff secooreety
tuuls und inffurmeshun is cuoonter tu thet guel.   Zeereffure-a, ve-a
respectffoolly reqooest thet zee treety dreffters remufe-a secshun
a.1 frum erteecle-a 6, und mudeeffy secshun b eccurdeengly;  zee
erteecles oon cumpooter introoseeun und demege-a (feez., erteecles
1-5) ere-a elreedy sooffffeecient tu pruscreebe-a uny impruper use-a
ooff secooreety-releted sufftvere-a oor inffurmeshun.
Bork Bork Bork!

Pleese-a du nut heseetete-a tu cell oon us fur techneecel edfeece-a
in yuoor footoore-a deleebereshuns.
Bork Bork Bork!

========================= 2 ==============================
As weading secuwity pwactitionews, educatows, vendows, and usews of
infowmation secuwity, we wish to wegistew ouw opinions about de
Counciw of Euwope dwaft tweaty on Cwime in Cybewspace.  We awe
concewned dat powtions of de pwoposed tweaty may wesuwt in
cwiminawizing techniqwes and softwawe commonwy used to make computew
systems wesistant to attack.  Signatowy states passing wegiswation to
impwement de tweaty may dus endangew de secuwity of deiw computew
systems,  computew usews in dose countwies may not be abwe to
adeqwatewy pwotect deiw computew systems, and education of
infowmation pwotection speciawists may be hindewed.

Cwiticaw to de pwotection of computew systems and infwastwuctuwe is
de abiwity to test softwawe fow weaknesses, vewify de pwesence of
defects in existing systems, and exchange vuwnewabiwity infowmation,
uh-hah-hah-hah. System administwatows, weseawchews, consuwtants and
companies aww woutinewy devewop, use, and shawe softwawe designed to
exewcise known and suspected vuwnewabiwities.  Academic institutions
use softwawe designed to pwobe vuwnewabiwities to educate students
and in weseawch to devewop impwoved defenses.   Ouw expewience wif
dese toows suggest dat it is impossibwe to wewiabwy distinguish
softwawe used in computew cwime fwom dat used fow dese wegitimate
puwposes -- and dat often it is identicaw.

Cuwwentwy, awticwe 6 of de dwaft tweaty is vague wegawding de use,
distwibution, and possession of softwawe dat couwd be used to viowate
de secuwity of computew systems. We agwee dat damaging ow bweaking
into computew systems is wwong and we  uneqwivocawwy suppowt waws
against such inappwopwiate behaviow.  Howevew, wegiswation dat
cwiminawizes secuwity  softwawe devewopment and use wouwd advewsewy
impact secuwity pwactitionews, weseawchews, and educatows wowking to
pwevent computew misuse.   De goaw of de tweaty and wesuwting
wegiswation shouwd be to pewmit de devewopment and appwication of
good secuwity measuwes, and a pwohibition against devewopment ow
ciwcuwation of secuwity toows and infowmation is countew to dat goaw.
Dewefowe, we wespectfuwwy weqwest dat de tweaty dwaftews wemove
section a.1 fwom awticwe 6, and modify section b accowdingwy;  de
awticwes on computew intwusion and damage (viz., awticwes 1-5) awe
awweady sufficient to pwoscwibe any impwopew use of secuwity-wewated
softwawe ow infowmation, uh-hah-hah-hah.

Pwease do not hesitate to caww on us fow technicaw advice in youw
futuwe dewibewations.

========================= 3 ==============================
Asay eadinglay ecuritysay actitionerspray, educatorsay, endorsvay,
anday usersay ofay informationay ecuritysay, eway ishway otay
egisterray ouray opinionsay aboutay ethay Ouncilcay ofay Europeay
aftdray eatytray onay Imecray inay Erspacecybay.  Eway areay
oncernedcay atthay ortionspay ofay ethay oposedpray eatytray aymay
esultray inay iminalizingcray echniquestay anday oftwaresay
ommonlycay useday otay akemay omputercay emssystay esistantray otay
attackay.  Ignatorysay atesstay assingpay egislationlay otay
implementay ethay eatytray aymay usthay endangeray ethay ecuritysay
ofay eirthay omputercay emssystay,  omputercay usersay inay osethay
ountriescay aymay otnay ebay ableay otay adequatelyay otectpray
eirthay omputercay emssystay, anday educationay ofay informationay
otectionpray ecialistsspay aymay ebay inderedhay.

Iticalcray otay ethay otectionpray ofay omputercay emssystay anday
infrastructureay isay ethay abilityay otay esttay oftwaresay orfay
eaknessesway, erifyvay ethay esencepray ofay efectsday inay
existingay emssystay, anday exchangeay ulnerabilityvay informationay.
Emsystay administratorsay, esearchersray, onsultantscay anday
ompaniescay allay outinelyray evelopday, useay, anday areshay
oftwaresay esignedday otay exerciseay ownknay anday uspectedsay
ulnerabilitiesvay.  Academicay institutionsay useay oftwaresay
esignedday otay obepray ulnerabilitiesvay otay educateay udentsstay
anday inay esearchray otay evelopday improveday efensesday.   Ouray
experienceay ithway esethay oolstay uggestsay atthay itay isay
impossibleay otay eliablyray istinguishday oftwaresay useday inay
omputercay imecray omfray atthay useday orfay esethay egitimatelay
urposespay -- anday atthay oftenay itay isay identicalay.

Urrentlycay, articleay 6 ofay ethay aftdray eatytray isay aguevay
egardingray ethay useay, istributionday, anday ossessionpay ofay
oftwaresay atthay ouldcay ebay useday otay iolatevay ethay ecuritysay
ofay omputercay emssystay. Eway agreeay atthay amagingday oray
eakingbray intoay omputercay emssystay isay ongwray anday eway
unequivocallyay upportsay awslay againstay uchsay inappropriateay
ehaviorbay.  Oweverhay, egislationlay atthay iminalizescray
ecuritysay  oftwaresay evelopmentday anday useay ouldway adverselyay
impactay ecuritysay actitionerspray, esearchersray, anday educatorsay
orkingway otay eventpray omputercay isusemay.   Ethay oalgay ofay
ethay eatytray anday esultingray egislationlay ouldshay ebay otay
ermitpay ethay evelopmentday anday applicationay ofay oodgay
ecuritysay easuresmay, anday aay ohibitionpray againstay
evelopmentday oray irculationcay ofay ecuritysay oolstay anday
informationay isay ountercay otay atthay oalgay.   Ereforethay, eway
espectfullyray equestray atthay ethay eatytray aftersdray emoveray
ectionsay aay.1 omfray articleay 6, anday odifymay ectionsay bay
accordinglyay;  ethay articlesay onay omputercay intrusionay anday
amageday (izvay., articlesay 1-5) areay alreadyay ufficientsay otay
oscribepray anyay improperay useay ofay ecuritysay-elatedray
oftwaresay oray informationay.

Easeplay oday otnay esitatehay otay allcay onay usay orfay
echnicaltay adviceay inay ouryay uturefay eliberationsday.

========================= 4==============================
A5 LEED1NG 5ECUR1TY PRACT1T10NER5, EDUCAT0R5, VEND0R5, & U5ER5 0F
1N4MAT10N 5ECUR1TY, WE W15H 2 REG15TER 0UR 0P1N10N5 AB0UT THE K0UNC1L
0F EUR0PE DRAFT TREETY 0N KR1ME 1N KYBER5PACE!!  WE R K0NCERNED THAT
P0RT10N5 0F THE PR0P05ED TREETY MAY RE5ULT 1N KR1M1NAL1Z1NG
TECHN1QUEZ & 50FTWARE K0MM0NLY U5ED 2 MAKE K0MPUTER 5Y5TEM5 RE515TANT
2 ATTACK!!  51GNAT0RY 5T85 PA551NG LEG15LAT10N 2 1MPLEMENT THE TREETY
MAY THU5 ENDANGER THE 5ECUR1TY 0F THE1R K0MPUTER 5Y5TEM5,  K0MPUTER
U5ER5 1N TH05E K0UNTR1EZ MAY N0T B ABLE 2 ADEQU8LY PR0TECT THE1R
K0MPUTER 5Y5TEM5, & EDUCAT10N 0F 1N4MAT10N PR0TECT10N 5PEC1AL15T5 MAY
B H1NDERED!!

KR1T1CAL 2 THE PR0TECT10N 0F K0MPUTER 5Y5TEM5 & 1NFRA5TRUCTURE 15 THE
AB1L1TY 2 TE5T 50FTWARE 4 WEEKNE55EZ, VER1FY THE PRE5ENCE 0F DEFECT5
1N X15T1NG 5Y5TEM5, & XCHANGE VULNERAB1L1TY 1N4MAT10N!! 5Y5TEM
ADM1N15TRAT0R5, RE5EERCHER5, K0N5ULTANT5 & K0MPAN1EZ ALL R0UT1NELY
DEVEL0P, U5E, & 5HARE 50FTWARE DE51GNED 2 XERC15E KN0WN & 5U5PECTED
VULNERAB1L1T1EZ!!  ACADEM1C 1N5T1TUT10N5 U5E 50FTWARE DE51GNED 2
PR0BE VULNERAB1L1T1EZ 2 EDUC8 5TUDENT5 & 1N RE5EERCH 2 DEVEL0P
1MPR0VED DEFEN5EZ!!   0UR XPER1ENCE W1TH THE5E T00L5 5UGGE5T THAT 1T
15 1MP0551BLE 2 REL1ABLY D15T1NGU15H 50FTWARE U5ED 1N K0MPUTER KR1ME
FR0M THAT U5ED 4 THE5E LEG1T1M8 PURP05EZ -- & THAT 0FTEN 1T 15
1DENT1CAL!!

KURRENTLY, ART1CLE 6 0F THE DRAFT TREETY 15 VAGUE REGARD1NG THE U5E,
D15TR1BUT10N, & P055E5510N 0F 50FTWARE THAT KUD B U5ED 2 V10L8 THE
5ECUR1TY 0F K0MPUTER 5Y5TEM5!! WE AGREE THAT DAMAG1NG 0R BREEK1NG
1NT0 K0MPUTER 5Y5TEM5 15 WR0NG & WE  UNEQU1V0CALLY 5UPP0RT LAW5
AGA1N5T 5UCH 1NAPPR0PR18 BHAV10R!!  H0WEVER, LEG15LAT10N THAT
KR1M1NAL1ZEZ 5ECUR1TY  50FTWARE DEVEL0PMENT & U5E WUD ADVER5ELY
1MPACT 5ECUR1TY PRACT1T10NER5, RE5EERCHER5, & EDUCAT0R5 W0RK1NG 2
PREVENT K0MPUTER M15U5E!!   THE G0AL 0F THE TREETY & RE5ULT1NG
LEG15LAT10N 5HUD B 2 PERM1T THE DEVEL0PMENT & APPL1CAT10N 0F G00D
5ECUR1TY MEE5UREZ, & A PR0H1B1T10N AGA1N5T DEVEL0PMENT 0R K1RCULAT10N
0F 5ECUR1TY T00L5 & 1N4MAT10N 15 K0UNTER 2 THAT G0AL!!   THERE4, WE
RE5PECTFULLY REQUE5T THAT THE TREETY DRAFTER5 REM0VE 5ECT10N A.1 FR0M
ART1CLE 6, & M0D1FY 5ECT10N B ACC0RD1NGLY;  THE ART1CLEZ 0N K0MPUTER
1NTRU510N & DAMAGE (V1Z!!, ART1CLEZ 1-5) R ALREEDY 5UFF1C1ENT 2
PR05CR1BE ANY 1MPR0PER U5E 0F 5ECUR1TY-REL8D 50FTWARE 0R 1N4MAT10N!!

PLEE5E D0 N0T HE51T8 2 KALL 0N U5 4 TECHN1CAL ADV1CE 1N UR FUTURE
DEL1BERAT10N5!!